My dream job will always to be a special education teacher. But right now isn't the time to do this. I feel that I will eventrually get there someday I hope.
Then my produst moment is when I became a mom. It was the best feeling I ever experience and I got to experience that feeling 4 times (with 5 kids set of twins lol) But I feel that I had made so many mistakes in my life but my babies don't care. They love me and I instantly feel in love with them the day I found out I was pregnant with them. My 1st was a bit of a sturggle being pregnant as I was scared to death so the loving at the first time finding out wasn't the same as my others but when I had him he changed my life. I feel in love and couldn't ever imagine my life without him. And that little boy made me grow up fast even if I was 21 I was still young he wasn't something I had planned but I wanted him. He made me realize love was a real thing.
So to add on to this entry now that I started I never really understood love I always felt betrayed more then anything by everyone in my life. My parents just didn't seem to understand and always be there for me. My mom left us with my dad when we were young like I was 7 my brother was 6. So I felt like she didn't care cause she never tried to see us, left it up to us. So I just felt like she didn't care you know? Then I always had my dad always. He was everything to me, until my step mom came along. Then from there I felt like nothing or anything I did was good enough for him anymore. I was a failure in his eyes. I'm still the same failure today as I was when I was 16. I feel like my parents tell me they love me but they don't really know how to? Make sense? Like I feel you should love your child no matter what failures they make. No one is perfect and everything your child does you dont have to like but you should never judge your child just on mistakes they make. They learn from them I have. I feel that my father honestly can't love me like he once did. I feel that I just don't meet my step moms expectations so I just can't be good. If that makes sense. With my mom its just I can't feel the perfect closeness because of everything. My sister doesn't help when she is 17 mind you, but she always has to be there. She is jealous if my mom even comes over to see me and my kids. Idk it makes no sense. I have learnt so much from what has happened to me in my life that I'd never do the same to my children ever. My kids will always come first and will always be my number 1 over anything. But I guess that just makes me a better person who sees that their kids are more then anything else in this world. Like my job yea I'd rather be broke then my kids not get the help they need you know? lol btw thats another story but I'm out because I'm sosoo hungry and my food should be here soon. lol Well going to do this 30 day challenge right now and I will def. do it tomorrow good to know I only missed one day yesterday.